“The Miles”…My Cross Country Sabbatical

My sabbatical is official!  I’m leaving on Monday (Jan 30th) for a cross country drive to Washington state.  I’ll be there the month of February before taking the looooong way home down the coast of California.  Coastal California’s HWY 1 is supposed to be one of the most beautiful drives our country offers.

Finally, the Grand Canyon.  I’ve dreamt about it a thousand times.  I have no idea what to expect of the desert in winter, but I know the Grand Canyon, in the splendor of God’s creative majesty, will be there waiting.   I’m hungry too for the open land views of Nevada & New Mexico.  So much to see…so much to find.

I’m on a heart journey…  

Now I know I’m not going to literally find my heart on Whidbey Island, WA nor on the quiet scenic highways of this beautiful-yet-unseen-by-me country I’ve called home for nearly 40 years, but I believe in the power and function of the symbolic.

When I still owned my property, every time there was something deep inside my soul I wanted, needed, ached to uproot but couldn’t seem to reach, I’d always find myself in the yard chopping, digging, pulling up the old stunted root balls of piteous shrubs devoid of promised flowers.

Kim came to help me once or twice.  We worked quietly.  Axes above our heads, coming down with all our might on the years of growth, grown and yet not growing, out of breath and fighting for it.   Something broke back then, of that I’m sure, though I could never tell you what or how.

And then what about the homecoming from the May ’08 weekend trip to NYC with Cheryl?  Somehow the journey gave me the strength, the boldness, to walk into my storage closet and purge.  It might not sound like much to you but I’d been sort of afraid to go in there before.  I’d dash in and grab the mower or any other tool I could quickly put my hands on, and pop right out again.

The dim, the black corners, the webs, the smell I could never really peg always gripped me at the back of the neck before.  But something about walking the City’s blocks in that strange May chill, and finding our way after being subway lost for two hours, and finally being able to settle with myself that the $20 bucks the junkie hustled was still good seed, made me come straight home and drag my junk, excesses, and seasonal whims right out of that storage closet.  When it was all piled out on the street, I saw the mess I’d been hoarding and hiding from out of a fear to “go inside”.

Eight months later, NYC was my home.  I believe the key was in the symbolism….that it always is.  That when we clear out and explore things in the natural, we call forth the manifestation and discovery of those unseen things we long for.

And so now I’ve come to “the miles”……. 7,000 at least.  And I know they’re pregnant with a special delivery for me.  The way I’ve dreamed about them.  The way they’ve come.  It’s like exploration begs to be known of us.  “Who’ll go?”, I hear it asking.  I will.  I feel I have to.  And I can be dramatic here and say death is the only other option for me and know you might call it baloney…but it’s true.

I’m looking for something that’s been buried so deep down inside myself it’s gonna take ‘the miles’ for me to ever have a shot at getting home.  Some where along the way, the teeny tiny little girl in me became afraid of being the fullness of herself.   She became afraid of receiving and sharing love in its purest form, unconditionally.  She became paralyzingly protective of her ideas and creativity, of her voice and touch, and even of her company.  She is imprisoned behind the walls and the vow she made with herself to not be hurt, criticized, blamed, or misunderstood anymore.  She’s in a prison dimly lit in places, pitch black in others, and so so many webs.

I’ll use “the miles” to go in and get her.  Like the ladder Jacob dreamed, the angels will ascend and descend upon them ministering that all is well, and always has been.  And God Himself will come and speak the promise of a lullaby to the little girl who needs to hear His voice more than anything.

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About Alaina Odessa Expressions

Alaina Odessa is a Christian poet and author of Slow Running Honey, an anointed book of poetry that speaks to the secrets, self deception, and lack of self awareness that is holding many of God's people back from the abundance He created them for. She is creator of Alaina Odessa Expressions, a company dedicated to helping others 'Cultivate the God made self' through poetry, theatre, workshops, lectures, & television. Godly information fosters the mind renewal process all Christians must undertake to experience the fullness of Christ's sacrifice. Alaina Odessa Expressions strives to provide edifying, life changing content.
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10 Responses to “The Miles”…My Cross Country Sabbatical

  1. Jeanette says:

    This journey to free your little girl may be the journey to help many little girls to be set free. Your soul pours forth words that paint magnificent pictures for those who read them to see. Thanks for allowing us to share in this beauty, to find this freedom and to grow as we go!! God’s blessings for all you need along the way and for all those God will bless through you as you go.

    • God bless you Jeanette<3 Your words speak to my heart about freeing many little girls…that's all I've ever wanted to do: To be of help, to free others from these pains I understand. Thank you for your comment….I needed your particular encouragement today!

  2. Zitty says:

    Alaina – I am super excited for you!! Every time God’s people heed His voice and do something like this, He opens doors and breaks strongholds in a life-changing way. These are the makings of New York Times best-sellers!! These are the stories that’ll be told to babies, grandbabies, great-grand’s… all future generations that will need to hear about the goodness and sovereignty of God. I pray that you will be led along every single mile – cloud by day, fire by night.

    Love,
    Zitty

    • Number 1) THANK YOU for this LOVELY BLESSING<3 Number 2) Zitty? Are you an undercover writer? Stop playing! Beautiful words…beautiful sentiment…beautiful encouragement…THANK YOU, again<3 I asked God years ago to strengthen me to "UP and GO" like Abraham. My uncle called me adventurous today and it surprised me… What he sees as adventurous, I see as ANOTHER PRAYER ANSWERED!!! But don't get me wrong, I cried like a baby earlier today… it's a bit overwhelming when I stop to think about it, so excuse me while I KEEP IT MOVING…LOL!!! I'm in agreement with the NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLERS deal…so I'ma end your prophecy in AMEN!!! WE ARE THE WRITERS OF HIS GLORY… God started something on New Year’s Eve that HE WILL NOT DENY!!! Be bold for God, Zitty….this is the era of HIS UTMOST MANIFESTATION!!!

  3. Patricia says:

    This is why I absolutely LOVE You!!! Safe travels and I am ready to read all about it…Your path is so Free and Enlightened, a journey that all of us long for! You inspire me…

    • Patricia Bethea, I LOVE me some you too, Lady<3 Thank you for all your prayers of intercession….you have labored in the Spirit for me, with me, and so TRUST & BELIEVE you shall reap a harvest for all the seed you've sown towards the possibility and success of this trip!!! We are sisters in CHRIST!!! MWAH<3 Now, please pray for me that I stay focused and abreast of my Blogging so you'll have something to read, cuz, Girlfriend, you KNOW I'll take off on a tangent in a minute!!! LOL….LOVE YOU!!!

  4. Melissa Smith Ramadhan says:

    I am so happy for you Lani. But my over protected self is also afraid. I know that God will be with you at all times and take care of you. Now these words you have heard many times from many people be blessed and stay in the word. I love you! Oh, inside joke let someone else check you oil. LOL, but it wasn’t laughable 21 years ago. Be blessed, be blessed, be blessed.

    • Melissa, you are hilarious! And YES you better know I let somebody else check the oil. All I did was add the windshield washer fluid so PRAY, Girlfriend, that I put in the right hole!!! LOL<3 Thank you for your blessings and your prayers<3 And STOP being an overprotective mother…this is FRIENDLY SOIL, Soldier!!! Hahaha…I love you bunches and I'll call you soon….

  5. Oh, I will be on the grounds the Holy Spirit christened you on won’t I??? Thank you for sowing sister seed in California….looking forward to drinking it all in<3 Blessings to you, Love!!!

  6. Nadirah says:

    Ahhhh yes…the PCH (Pacific Coast Highway)…Santa Monica, Malibu, Santa Barbara…see it…breathe it…live it…be it all and let it deliver you into unparalelled heavenly heights, landscapes and wonders…”Unleashed You Go!!!” <3<3<3

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