Sunday (July 10, 2011) was an amazing day for me. God shows up everyday in the life of a Believer. That’s just how He is…call on His Name and He’s coming. Period. But then there are days where He comes in and the fragrance of His presence is just breathtaking. Yesterday was one of those days for me.
It started with Sunday service at Union Memorial UMC (Reverend Otto Harris is the pastor). The men’s choir was singing a song that I couldn’t tell you the name of if I tried…but when their voices came together, the Holy Spirit used it to literally lift me out of my seat. I couldn’t contain myself and didn’t I want to.
What I wanted & needed was to praise God. I went to a place in my spirit that though I haven’t visited in awhile, I recognized it immediately as the place where dreams come true. It’s where God comes to sit down in the midst of the dew of the praise… The last time God sat down in my midst, He left me with a book called Slow Running Honey. He’s already changed my life by a visit….the fact that He chose to come again leaves me with marvelous expectation and wonder.
After church Luguzy Atkins (founder of Ear Play Productions and producer of my upcoming spoken word music project) had agreed to sponsor some studio time with Union’s youth. They went one by one into the booth to face their fears and insecurities and recorded anything from Scripture to short stanzas of uplifting songs.
There were two that moved me to tears (by that point I’d practically been crying all day)…Alana’s & Kim’s. Alana sang the Shepherd Song and just like every other time I’ve heard her sing that piece in church, I felt the twist on my spirit and the pull in my gut. Something about the purity in her voice makes me long to be the best I can be for God. I’m happy it’s recorded. Now, even as she matures, something of her youth’s been captured and preserved….never lost, never moved.
When my best friend Kim Burgess recited Psalm 25, her voice tore through me & registered in a way I could never explain. I’ve decided a real connection with God can be heard by every listening listener; it can most assuredly be felt.
I’m looking at Psalm 25 now in my Bible and I annotated it on July 9, 2008 as “Graduation Day” from the post office. That was the day I quit. No preparation; just a prayer repeated and hope that the One Who promised to provide for me no matter what would surely keep His Word. He has.
How amazing that exactly three years and a day later, God would visit me again through this same Scripture in another graduation…. to what I don’t know. But I know that I’m ready & free…and ready to be free….and free to be ready… What a joy this walk is turning out to be:-)
I’ve moved six times in the last 30 months. I had no idea when I left the post office in July ’08 with less than $25,000 that God would move me to NYC within 6 months. And not that I’d just be in NYC but I’d live there….going to Broadway & Off Broadway plays, restaurants, look out my 35th floor apartment window every day and night at the Hudson River at such beautiful scenery even the poet in me can’t describe.
I found my style, my voice, & my gift in NYC and I never even knew it was in the plan. It, in my estimation, was far too much to ask for. But God….and anyone that really knows Him can finish that sentence for themselves better than I could do even an iota of justice to it.
All this moving, all this change…And I was the one who’d never leave anything or anyone. I had boyfriends for years I could never say goodbye to. As afraid to hurt another as I was to be hurt myself, my relationships never ended. They just kept looping themselves in a weird knot of codependency. Never a no…never a goodbye…and yet God has led me away from person after person & from place after place over these past 30 months.
Praise be to God when I think of how fruitful the moves have been. One fruitful place to the next. And though the fruit has hardly been what I had a taste for, it’s never not been what I needed. I’m so grateful for His foresight…
I’m learning it’s not about being able to see my way out. It’s about keeping my eyes on Him. Trusting that when He says it’s time to go, it most assuredly is. Trusting that when He bars the door of one home, He’s already granted entry into the next. That any relationship He’s showing me it’s time to walk away from, is surely safe to leave. I’m learning that whatever looks like loss is always gain with God.
Ezekiel looked over the valley of the dry bones and prophesied that they would live again. They did. Those dry bones were me.
I don’t know exactly what’s next…but I’ve learned enough to praise God in advance because no matter what, it’s good. It’s sooooo good because with goodness and mercy following me all the days of my life….that’s all it ever can be.