What do you mean, “Am I gay?”

Any time I start to get impatient with my singleness (it’s going on seven years now) some misguided man shows up asking strange & disrespectful things until I realize, again, that waiting is the only wise thing to do.

I met Rick (name change) at an upscale minority business launch party held at the International Civil Rights Museum a short while ago. We had some creative interests in common so I thought maybe we’d be able to join creative forces on future projects; we exchanged numbers. Our conversation was cordial, all business. We exchanged the “it was nice to meet you” text and went on with our lives.

Last night, he texted back up wanting to know when I’d be coming to Raleigh to see him. When I texted that I don’t do road trips to visit men, he asked if I was gay.

What happened to chivalry? What happened to the time when a man’s interest in a woman made him do all he could to woo her? Why does it seem like all the men have traded in their hunter’s cards and chosen to lay out like road kill and screw with the head of any female who stops by to see if they’re really dead? I mean, they’re still hunting, I guess, but in a strange warped way…

And it’s not all their fault… I think of the me I used to be, when I might have joyfully made that trip birthed from a bubble burst from his memory. Purchased something new, washed my hair, perfumed my body, and dumbed myself all the way down to the basement of my intellect. What sad depressing days those were. Days when clothing my insecurities & vulnerabilities either meant foraging for male attention, or responding to whatever showed up on the radar. I thank God for teaching me into a new place of divine self esteem. A place where I understand my value is celebrated as I pursue the things of HIM, not the things of (a) man.

Chivalry is only dead to those who are dead to it….wait on God, follow & trust in Him and every Kingdom queen WILL be wooed by her king!

And why should my sexuality be questioned because the supposed “interested in me” scraps he threw my way sparked no interest in me?

So disinterest in “the game” means I’ve crossed over into some other deviant practice? (and make no mistake, use of the word “other” is appropriate because any sexual activity outside of marriage is ALL deviant in God’s eyes) But I digress… it ticked me off a little.

The media has taught us sex is something that should happen instantaneously. It should happen as soon as it can happen; as soon as there’s a door to close after the eyes connect in a hungry curiosity. And this is total spiritual deviance. The spirit of lust has ruled us out of our sense of sexual sacredness and safekeeping.

We want to be wanted so badly… and because so much of what goes on today is about image: we not only want to be wanted, we want to be known as wanted….

Sexual lust has become the worst of our egotistical pathologies. So much that we’ll risk the risks of the sexual game to destroy our temple, family, business, community, societal systems, government, nation, & ultimately, this world we love to call ours.

When others won’t submit to our sexually warped, media & advisement created egotistical pathologies, we quickly jump to the conclusion that the thing that’s wrong, lies in them. But what about us?

What about us taking the time to reconsider our own positions; examine our selves for faults and unreliable habits of thought? It’s not always the other person who’s crazy, wrong, clueless & to blame. Sometimes it really is us that requires the adjustment.

God didn’t tell us we were in the world but not of it for no reason…..He didn’t urge Believer’s to make the investment to renew the mind for nothing. He urged it because there’s a gripping, poisonous world system we must do the work of detaching ourselves from.

You may say, Alaina, it’s not that deep…

But I’m telling you, it is. Have a little talk with yourself about how many lustful escapades started with one seemingly innocent communication. Think about the times you’ve done it just to prove the other wrong. “I’ll show him/her I’m not gay…” or whatever the defense of your sexual pride may have looked like…

The enemy is stealth. He’s subtle. And God has placed us on nothing less than HIGH ALERT as an ultimate warning to keep us clear of his wiles.

Sex was created as the highest expression of love, trust & sharing between a man and his wife. Marriage is the deepest earthly covenant. The thing we must sit, lay & sleep in intimate quarters with God to even remotely be prepared for.

And for us who are unmarried, abstinence is not a choice, it’s our calling.

Wait well, and in full expectation of the spouse in whom you wait for.


About Alaina Odessa Expressions

Alaina Odessa is a Christian poet and author of Slow Running Honey, an anointed book of poetry that speaks to the secrets, self deception, and lack of self awareness that is holding many of God's people back from the abundance He created them for. She is creator of Alaina Odessa Expressions, a company dedicated to helping others 'Cultivate the God made self' through poetry, theatre, workshops, lectures, & television. Godly information fosters the mind renewal process all Christians must undertake to experience the fullness of Christ's sacrifice. Alaina Odessa Expressions strives to provide edifying, life changing content.
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4 Responses to What do you mean, “Am I gay?”

  1. Alaina, all I can say is, “I couldn’t have said it better.” You wrote this blog post. This needs to be a video, special report, eBook, podcast, article, sermon, and keynote. LOL. Did I cover it all?

    Hugs, Peace, and Blessings,


  2. Raena says:

    What a wonderful response. Thank you for this expression.

  3. Cheryl says:

    Amen Sister, I am with you 100%!

  4. Renee says:

    Divinely said.

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