We want healthy relationships; we really do, but somehow they keep eluding many of us. We meet a new guy, or discover new ways to see an old one, and we think, this is it! The phone calls come (or in this newfangled era of social media & cell communications, it’s more likely to be Facebook or texting or BBMing serving as our method for “getting to know” the other person).
But are we really getting to know them? Or are we just projecting the yearnings of our hearts and the fantasies of our girlhood onto yet another temporary relationship? Only to be left with a lower, more confused self worth when the whole thing goes up in smoke?
And where does everything that starts out so good go anyway? The laughter, the flow of conversation, all the things we seem to have in common…even the sex, if sex is still a method we use to connect & communicate, even the flavor of that begins to change before too long.
I think it’s because we’re going in half. Remember the song by R Kelly, Half on a Baby? I used to love that song, but that’s not the half I’m talking about. I think WE are going in as half of ourselves. How can we get to know another person fully when there’s so much about ourselves that’s missing? It’s so true that like attracts like. If we’ll be real with ourselves, we’d admit that the men we attract are less to blame and more like reflections of who we are on the inside.
The Bible says in Matthew 12:25 that a house divided against itself cannot stand. Well that’s true about individuals, too. When there’s confusion, and hurt, and unresolved emotional issues, and answers we want & need that we haven’t even posed the questions to, We are divided inside ourselves. We are walking fallen emotional beings. We need to be rebuilt.
The good thing though, is God rebuilds those who ask to be rebuilt. To really BE is a process that begins the second we wholeheartedly pray the prayer of asking the Father to fill us with the fullness of ourselves. In other words, “Lord help me to be who You created me to be.”
So often, there’s an entire self inside us we’ve never been introduced to. A whole mind inside us that has to completely be renewed. Only then are we available for the love we so hungrily desire. Only when we’re taught by God, Who is perfect Love, to love ourselves, are we even capable of attracting the king our heart knows is out there for us.
There is a you full of passion, hopes, desires, gifts, talents, preferences, ideas, and potential you must get to know. We must be familiar with all our idiosyncrasies, rooted and grounded in the knowledge of who and Whose we are before we’re stable enough to give ourselves away.
There is a poem in Slow Running Honey called Lonely Queens of the Thearchy and the first stanza goes like this:
Cease the headhunt for the King’s earthly king
To commence with the search for His queen.
Your dominion cannot be established
With you last on your list of esteems.
Every kingdom has a queen. The Kingdom of God has many…you are one of them. Esteem yourself enough to submit yourself to the King of the Kingdom so that He can teach you how to reign in life, how to be strengthened enough to have ALL your heart’s desires. Your earthly king is waiting for the manifestation of your knowing who you are.
Blessings & Strength,